Glitter tears! Awesome!

Apparently the new Freemasons' single featuring Sophie Ellis Bextor was debuted at the Mardi Gras afterparty, although I was either in bed, eating Maccas on the way home, or having a moment outside to regain my sense of personal space. I worry that SEB's heading for a more Dannii trajectory of guest vocals on random tracks followed by long periods of hibernation. Although, to be fair, SEB's been doing baby stuff, and a Rimmel ad is something Dannii could only dream of. I just feel that Sophie's a wasted talent...

But on the plus side she pulls off the London career girl look quite well...

And speaking of, how have I never seen this...

History suggests that K will endorse anything for enough $$ but the thought of her driving herself around in a sub-$30,000 car strikes a somewhat false note, at least without her PA Leanne lurking somewhere nearby. Actually, K would have to be one of the most advert friendly stars around. Off the top of my head, she's done stuff for British Airways, H&M, her "Parfum", her bedding apparel, Agent Provocateur, LoveKylie, Tous, Pepsi, Evian, and Audi (she's got a contract stipulating she can only be driven in their cars). And lets not forget the $4 million to perform at the opening of that Marcosesque end-of-the-world-and-we're-sipping-champagne casino monstrosity in Dubai. Still, thankfully she's never sunk to the lows of Destiny's Child with their McDonald's sponsored Destiny Fulfilled... And Lovin' It tour. 

More $$ for the coffers...

If U Seek Amy...

The new vid is here... and I kinda like it. The first section's standard Britney post-My Perogative sleaze, but I quite like the 50s house wife ending. Not that it's particularly complex, but any sign of depth in Britters' work carries extra weight because of its usual absence. And here's to all those, myself included, who found the "hidden" meaning of If You Seek Amy surprisingly hard to decode...

Britney Spears If U Seek Amy [Official Musiq Video]
by lilwayneTV

Taylor Swift @ Billboards

I've only actually heard two of her songs, and didn't really know what to expect, but Taylor Swift's arrival in Melbourne brought with it an Obamaesque air of change. Despite the unfortunate Billboards setting, and despite the fact that she really does look like a fox (as in the animal, rather than a "foxy" fox), she has completely won me over: such energy, such showmanship, such unfiltered glee, such poise. For a moment I felt that this millennium could indeed bring hope. Highlights included:

1. The crowd: Judging by the high-pitched squeals and the fact that even I was ID'd, this was a young crowd, hilariously composed of teenage princesses, Tamworth blow-ins in cowboy shirts and gay men in cowboy shirts.
2. Her big reveal: See the youtube link below for an example, but her big costume "reveal" was priceless, as was the look on her face of "yep, I really did that!!".
3. The tap dogs influence: Yep, percussion on garbage bins.
4. Her messages of hope: I was feeling kind of glum about the future, but now that an 18 year old's told me change is on the way, I believe it.

Costume reveal...



And Billboards bin banging!

Hee hee hee...

"Happy Mardi Gras, F***ers!"

Oxford St. Chemist: Lube, Water & Berocca.

I've just returned from my first Mardi Gras, whch for a generally bookish, retiring type is quite an achivement. I've always found Sydney to have a kind of frontier town vibe, with street brawls and wenches potentially spilling out of of ale houses. The former is quite accurate, of course. On our first stroll down picturesque Oxford St we walked past a pub, only to walk back two minutes later to find police tape, litres of blood and a broken bottle on the pavement. A few blocks down,  a "police response unit" was attending to something unspecified but sinister. At this point a young girl walked past and screamed "Happy Mardi Gras FUCKERS!!", which I think handily sums up Mardi Gras' mix of aggression and festivity. 

The actual parade (or at least what I could see of it behind two bitchy French girls on crates) was a mix of the heartwarming and the confusing. Heartwarming: Matthew Mitchell, police, firefighters, SES, PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays), various schools (!!) that had entered floats against homophobia, humanitarian orgs etc. Confusing: State Rail, Pump Water, and various other components of "the" gay lifestyle... There's a complex mix of the commercial and the political playing out at Mardi Gras. Its got a highly political history, and its existence alone has a political effect. But on the other hand the gay lifesyle being embraced (by the sponsors more than the community orgs) is a narrowly defined one, heavily tied to consumption,  drugs, drink, leisure etc. Which is fine, but interestingly, and judging only from the crowd around me (lots of families, mums, dads, etc.), alot of people were there to witness a spectacle of excess rather than to support equality per se. 

At the afterparty, which admittedly was catering to a particular slice of the market, it felt like  a zombie flick filled with shiny shirtless men, all gym-buffed, hair only in the right places, appropriate tan etc. Funny that in an event embracing diversity, everyone looked exactly the same. But anyway, my queer politics are horribly convoluted, and it is kinda cool that Mardi Gras can so thoroughly take over Sydney, even if the reality of it is just a little bit skanky. Oh, and the surprise guest was no other than Tina Arena, which brings me to the second part of my Sydney advernture...

Tina Arena, Live in Concert

I've never quite called myself a Tina fan, but I've followed her career from Don't Ask days through Simon, the ultimate Tina fan. The latter part of her career I've found much more interesting, not only because some of her French stuff is really good, but also because she's emerging as quite the survivor where others would have fallen quickly against the Sony sword. As in, after she lost her deal with Sony here she snagged a new one with Sony France, then went on to record Songs of Love and Loss independently and license it in Australia through EMI -- its impressive watching her navigate the industry. It's also been heart-warming watching her find her self (and career) in France, and return home re-born with a new style and confidence, which is a pretty compelling narrative (think Sabrina).

The tour's in support of Songs of Love and Loss 2, which follows on (somewhat cynically, perhaps) from the first volume which, being covers-mad Australia, sold very, very well. Accordingly half the night was covers, and then the rest was greatest hits with a bit of French stuff thrown in. First of all, she really can sing. It's rare to get her combination of technical proficiency and emotional range. Second, she has really, really, crazily obsessive fans. Thirdly, she is slightly unhinged. When she talked, she talked, going on about her "journey" from sleep overs in Dandenong to Prisian haute corture, but all in most profound way.  As... in... everything... was... said... slowly... to... suggest... meaning. She also displayed a taste for Toni Childs-style earth woman dancing which was both endearing and unsettling. While my impression was positive, there was a sense that she's probably better than this tour. It felt as if she was enduring an Australia that doesn't appreciate that she really is a big star, albeit somewhere else.

But this, of course, is how I'll always remember Tina...

WHAT! WHAT! WHAT? William Baker did Britters' costumes? TRAITOR. I guess. Bit confused about what his actual role was -- all I can deduce is that he was "one of" her stylists. And here's a reaction from the always toxic Kylie forums... "Britney... beware!! or before you know it, you'll end up having granny hair". Ha!

Circus opens!

This snuck up on me... Had no idea opening night was upon us. Hard to gauge from photos alone, but they don't look promising. Despite Jamie King at the reigns (Confessions creative director), Britters' tours are always a bit crass, if you ask me. Aside from a sense that she's melting down throughout, they normally evoke Janet Jackson Rythm Nation era, but with a touch of the Mickey Mouse club. Very robotic and saccharine. And this is nitpicking, but she always does this ridiculous dance move where she struts forward,  and points each arm out in either direction making some kind of "hey" gesture, as in the bottom part of the image below...

Annoyingly I can't embed these, but are the clips to PCD's I Hate This Part and Backstreet Boys' Incomplete not eerily similar? Key moments are Backstreet Boys' cutting to images of someone alone in the ocean as they sing 'in an ocean all alone', and at 1.52 minutes in I Hate This Part where PCD seamlessly insert a dance sequence into their ballad, presumably to give the (non-singing) girls something to do.

I was enduring one of those hideously awkward getting-to-know-you tutorial conversations today (incidentally with a guy studying organisational psychology who referred to mental health clinics as "nut houses") when I was asked what music I like. Normally I would make the effort to mount a firm defense for my discriminating embrace of pop, but to lessen the general awkwardness, I did a quick mental scan for appropriate music to mention -- all I could come up with was that I had "eclectic taste". "Not like Britney?", was the response. As I switched off my ipod which was, at the time, playing Britney's whimsical Unusual You, I acknowledged that I would not necessarily reject such music, but then flagged Morrissey as something on current rotation. I have no conviction.

Madonna vs Cyndi

Back in January I started a lazy pop cultural wrap up of 2008 and got as far as Sticky & Sweet and KylieX2008. Yes, many other things happened last year, but these were such obviously monumental events they deserved primary consideration. But as it's, like, March, I thought I'd continue sifting through the wash-up of a quite significant year in pop...

You know something's going on if two groundbreaking female pop icons forged in the mid-8os, both recently turned 50, release albums within months of each other. And while I remember thinking when these came out that they seemed such different approaches for mid-life pop stars to take, there's actually some structural similarity between the two that makes their apparent differences even more interesting. 

Most obviously, Madge's Hard Candy is a take on R&B, whereas Cyndi's thrown her lot into eurodance (which is, funnily enough, where Madge was positioning herself with Confessions on a Dance Floor). When I first heard that Madge was going to be working with Timbaland and Timberlake I was a little worried -- why would she follow up something groundbreaking by jumping on a bandwagon that had already passed? Well, there's always some method to Madge's near pathalogical fascination with the new. It turns out Confessions just didn't sell well in the US. On a business level, I guess it would make sense to claw back the American market by givin em' what they want, but artistically it seemed quite regressive that she would sell herself out to hit-makers who were already beginning to lose their sheen.

While I can say with utter certainty that the result, Hard Candy, is awful, I'm still intrigued by it for reasons unknown. I think the awfulness stems from the improbability of a 50 year old control freak singing:

See which flavor you like and I'll have it for you
Come on in to my store, I've got candy galore
Don't pretend you're not hungry, I've seen it before
I've got turkish delight baby and so much more.

This sounds creepy, but something about it keeps making me think of menopause, although I'm sure that's some sick preoccupation of my own. 4 minutes seemed similarly disingenuous, with it's half-hearted and vague eco-message (messages which always seem a bit off from Madonna and her 'nannies, assistant driver and a jet'). To boot, she sounded completely bored throughout, except, interestingly, in the excellent Give it 2 Me -- I always believe Madonna more when she's singing about getting what she wants, working hard, and screwing over whoever gets in the way. But most of it was bad R&B dross. So, so, sad, and a commercial failure, which proves once again that you don't crack America by making music you expect America wants. But still my fascination. I think it's cause I secretly want to believe that Madonna remains eternal, and if you listen to select moments and don't actually look at her, you can just for a second believe she's unstoppable.

Even though Cyndi Lauper's Bring Ya to the Brink was a no-apologies dance record, it was Max Martin who she turned to for some of its best bits, which suggests that its quirkiness was coming from her own input rather than producer smarts. It also means that, in terms of turning to the hit-makers, Lauper wasn't that different to Madge in her method. Martin's Into the Nightlife has one of the *best* choruses I've heard in a long time, and while some songs veered into anonymous disco, her personality's so winning they're saved from complete banality. But most satisfying were the more ballady moments (e.g. Echo), where she proved she's still able to project fragility and vulnerability with the same kind of authenticity she showed with Time After Time and True Colours. Considering Madge's obsession with youth, it's funny that Bring ya seems like a much younger record -- I can actually believe that Lauper would, you know, go out and stuff, whereas Madge seems like she might be taking tips from Lourdes. If Hard Candy is a steely career women botoxed to oblivion (or perhaps some Patty Hughes from Damages type creature), Bring ya is the fun and kooky art teacher who never works out but still goes clubbing on the weekends. Or something.

How have I not watched this before? Why have I not wagged lectures before? The Drs seems to be a new The View-style medical issues show, covering serious medical issues through "Hot Topics" style chats, in which the doctors of dubious qualification switch from anecdotes about their 2 year old being cute at soccer practice, to "evidence-based" medical research with great dexterity. For example, "Notox", the Next Generation of Botox that uses some bodgy laser thing that seems like those similarly bodgy home use laser hair removal/ laser hair enhancement laser things. Sold! But seriously, it's as if soon our only source of information will be The View-style Hot Topic chats.

I also find it curious that all of these "Doctors" feel it is necessary to wear their operating room gear (whites? blues?) in the studio -- as if they could be called out at any second....

Can frippery survive in the real world?

With flexible government working arrangements, it can.

But nonetheless, as the clock ticks towards my return to "The Bureaucracy", the need grows to document the frivolous and pointless. A few more things:

1. Natalie Bassingthwaite has debuted at no.1!! End of days? Or an extension of the unexplained popularity of Human Nature et al and their banal cover albums. Being a cover album, they at least had the luxury of choosing kind-of decent songs (although presumably cheap, cheap, cheap kind-of decent songs). But Nat's do actually sound like Rogue Traders off-cuts, which is a very confronting concept. Maybe she represents the triumph of careerism after-all... the Tracy Flick approach to stardom?

2.  Ellen Degeneres is 51!? I find this hard to accept... and makes me realise how old Madonna seems through trying to seem young. I should remember this in 20 years time (and opt-out of the obvious path towards Madonna-style ageing that lies before me??)

3. I love Joy  Behar  from The View for bringing up the issue of gay teen suicide. She would be my ideal hip New York aunt.

4. And finally, I often forget about this, but Holly Valance's absolutely disasterous second album kick-off single really was very, very good. And I love her humourless donning of a Ramones t-shirt.

Ben Cousins' fashion legacy?